| what hurts the most...is never knowing what could of been... |
[May. 31st, 2006|08:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do |
|
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| "Where'd You Go?" |
[May. 31st, 2006|08:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home... |
|
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| i miss him... |
[May. 31st, 2006|07:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Sooooo last sunday night
me and jessaca drink
it was me her nick and jimmy
but we were the only two that drink
i dont really remember what we did through thursday
we didnt have school on friday
we stayed the night at paulies house
twice this weekend
it was me ryan jimmy jack nick jessaca paulie and jessacas mom
we all were defintly trashed off our asses
monday we came home and went to the beach
then went to jessacas grammas house to eat dinner
then back to jessacas house
we didnt go to school yesterday
we were so tired
we drink monday night to
last night was jessacas first day of work
she hated it lol oh well now shes got money
shes gonna be real happy sooo
while she was at work i went to my moms house
and then out to dinner with her
when we got back to her house i fell asleep
i dont kno whats wrong with me anymore
im always tired like i will fall asleep
for like 3 hours and wake up and 20 minutes later
ill want to fall asleep again
alls i do is sleep and i hate it
i dont talk to bobby anymore
i hate it
i miss him more than anything
he never wants to hang out
he always is gotta work
i dont kno what happened with adam
he dont come around no more
i miss them two together
seniors last day was last thursday
i miss them
the halls are so empty
its so weird
its so sadd
like nobody is gonna be friends after high school
nobody
i can see it now
were not gonna be friends with any of those seniors
it makes me wanna cry
not seeing bobby makes me wanna cry to
what did i do wrong
he was fine that one night
kissin me and holdin me
and now he jus wants nothin to do with me
i dunno its really weird
it makes me really sad
and i wanna go back
because i miss that a lot
i want him back... |
|
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| i got my best friend and the guy ive liked forever what more can i ask for |
[May. 23rd, 2006|07:49 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
life is one big party now
sooo i defintly wrote a lot in this bitch
and jessaca finished writing it for me
but we accidently deleted it sooooo...
now i got to write it all over again
so last friday night i got real trashed
it was adam jessaca me and ryan
the only ones drinkin was me and jessaca
pussays
i puked four times and jessaca helped me
she rubbed my back and held my hair
ryan had to carry me out of the bathroom
and walk me to the couch
i was trashed
so then on saturday night
it was me jimmy ryan adam jessica and jessaca
i started drinking at 830
i was fucking gone by 930
jessaca and adam left at like 10
to go and pick her mom up
and my dumb ass went walking looking for jessaca
all i wanted to do was find her
but yeah it didnt work
ryan jimmy and the other jessica tried to get
me but i was kickin and screamin and cryin
so they tried to drag me back
i got to pine grove
and i was determined to find her
nope didnt happen that way
all the sudden we were walking
and i guess jimmy was like fuck jus walk straight
and act like your alright
so i tried and up pulls a cop
sooo yep i guess i ran
ran all the way into jessacas house
and acted like i was sleepin...
cop came in and said get your ass up and get out here
so i went out there
and i dont remember getting a breathalizer
but i was over the legal limit but not really drunk
but yeah right i was fucking trashed
so then i had to call like everybody
to try to get somoene to come and get me
so i called me cousins no answer
my brother said he waned nothin to do with it
i defintly got an MIP
so jessacas grama showed up then
made me call my dad
my dad came he was pissed
i packed my stuff since i live with jessaca
and i thought that was it
when jessaca walked through the door
she was pppppiiiiisssssssssssseeeeeeedddddddddddd
words cant even explain it
i apologized to her and she hugged me
and it made me real happy and then her mom came home
and that made me happy to
because she jus hugged me
so my dad took me home
and when we were almost to my house
he started yelling at me
and then he jus beat the shit out of me
so i got out and had to walk to my cousins house
it was a long walk
im suprised a cop didnt stop me again
i had to walk on the main road
so then we basically skipped half days
through the whole week
went to the courthouse
and they didnt have my informaion
all this happened defintly the day before mothers day
it kinda sucked because i felt real bad
and i couldnt even go to the cook out
at my moms house
cuz my dad was there
i hate him i will never talk to him again
for the rest of my fucking life
i hateeeeee him
so unbelieveably much
so this weekend
on friday night
me jimmy jessaca ryan and adam
all went to paulys house
att like 11 in marysville
we all drink over there
after her mom passed out we just left
me and jessaca and adam were trashed
adam wasnt to bad but me and jessaca were gone
so then on saturday night
over at jessacas house it was me and ryan and pauly and jessaca and her mom and mike cambell
i had a couple beers and i was gone
we went to taco bell jessaca was shitfaced
and yellin at the people there and evrything
it was so funny
but thats my girllllllll...
so then adam took ryan home and cme back with bobby
i was sooooo excited to see him
it was fucking unbelievable
hes been there througout the week but it jus wasnt the same
i would do that night over again any time
so yep
then at like 330 mike went home we couldnt get pauly to leave
and she wanted french fries
soooo we told pauly he had to leave
and ended up dropping her off at mikes house
so by the time we got back pauly was gone
and it was jus us four
adam and jessaca slept in her moms room
and me and bobby slept in her room
so defntly jessaca started drinking again
it was so funny though
i went out and smoked a cigarette with her
and put her to bed
bobby helded me and kissed me the whole time and
didnt even try anything
he kep kissin my cheek and my forehead
it was so cute
it made me so happy
finally a guy who wnt try shit
i dunno all in all it was like the best weekend of my life
i got my best friend and the guy ive liked forever right by my side
what the fuck more can i ask for i love them so much
and ir eally hope we can do it again
them two mean so much to me... |
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| mmmmm M.I.P.... |
[May. 19th, 2006|10:09 am] |
ssssoooooo
i drink friday night
got real shitfaced
was goin crazy
tried to lay down
puked four times
it was me jessaca adam ryan and pauly for a minute
i guess i was yellin to go see bobby lol
yep im defintly gay or what upp
so then on saturday we hung out with jessaca jessica jimmy ryan and me i dont remember what we did during the day
because it was awhile ago
but yep i started drinkin at 830 was drunk by 930
and i kept taking the shots over and over
i was so trashed
jessaca and adam left to go and get her mom
and i went walkin to pine grove looking for her
and i was kickin and screamin and cryin
and they were draggin me through the grass
all the sudden a cop pulls up
and what do i do i start runnin like a dumbass
ill write later |
|
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| i love jessaca |
[May. 9th, 2006|07:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
sooooo we defnitly been doin so much together
i moved out of my cousins and now i live with jessaca
my best fuckin friend
im done with dhayez
i wish i never met him
i cant take the shit no more
id ont want to be with him
he means nothikng to me and i could care less if
he got a enw girlfriend i wopuld be happy for him
if he moved away or died it would be better for everyone
i dunno...im gonna miss all the times weve shared
but i wont miss him as a person
because hes a piece of shit
he dont kno how to be a good person
i dunno im not even gonna waste my breathe talking about him
hes a waste of air and a waste of oxygen
so i hung out with adam jessaca jimmy and ryan allllll weekend
went to school for half of a day monday and tuesday
saturday night everybody was trased
ryan tried to fight jimmy cuz he thought he was flirting with me
he called me a nigger lover a slut and a fuckin bitch
he said so much shit to me
he said he was in love with me
and he would give me teh world
and that he is gettin a house and a car
so that he would cater me around and i could move out with him
and he would do anythin for me
i dont like him like that
but its kinda cute cuz ive never had anyone to that for me
i hate guys
all i need it my best friend
and thats all ill ever need
i had a serious conversation with her mom to
i love you jessaca
i couldnt do life without you
and i love you
and thank you for being there for me
and letting me cry lon your shoulder
and being the tissue for my tears
it means everything
god sent me you
cuz i used to pray for a best friend
and he sent me you
and i couldnt ask for a better friend
im sorry for fightin with ryan all the time
and getting you in a bad mood
its the bp gas station i guess its been hit up one to many times hahahahaha
remember last weekend
when we were out of town
ad found an abandoned barn
and they broke into it
emmet goodles swingin on the swings
in the woods
n the bridge on the glider
next day harbor beach and deckerville
putting the truck in the ditch
going to harbor beach just to get pizza
everything
i love you so much
we have so many memories..
and we always will
t forreal means everything to me
i love you baby girl |
|
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2006|09:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
ssoooo yep defintly not this monday but the monday we had spring break
i went to lakeside with my cousin carrie
it was fun
my mom watched the kids
it was cute
when i got home
josh collier had called
so i called him back
not knowing who it was
and i ended up going over there for a minute on monday
then on tuesday and wednesday i stayed the night at his house
tuesday i hung out with brianne and malyssa
wedensday night malyssa stayed the night with me
she woke up pukin her ass off
so we ended up going to her gramas then she took me back to my cousins
cuz my mom kicked me out and told me to give her my house keys
so then on the rest of the weekend i stayed with my cousin
and on sunday i hung out with jessaca nick and ryan and then stayed hte night at tonyas house cuz id idnt think we had school on monday
we defintly did
so monday night shaun called me at my cousibns cuz i had
seen him at the mall when i was there with courtney and dan gallager
and i saw him there so i had stayed the night at his house on tuesday
we wenmt to jakes i was plannin on goin to school on tuesday
but we went there and were there for while
when we woke up sheena ended up showin up
so i had to hide in the bathrrom
and then she came back to i had to hide in his moms room in the bathrroom
i never been so terrified in my life
he hid my stuff under the blanket
so joe ended up takin me home
and then weensday i went to school
thursday me and jessaca stayed home
and hung out for "take your kid to work day"
an thne friday we left after 1st hour and hung out for the day
then on friday i stayed the night
at tonyas
to babysit
after i babysat for my cousin
then on saturday night i hung out with carrie
then jessaca girdy and ryan
and then stayed the night at jessacas
sunday he bought me mcdonalds and took me home
its the lifeto live with my baby
i dunno tho
sometimes i wonder if im meant to be with him
sunday was rylees 2nd birthday party
evyerone was there
i forgot my moms birthday
so my grama made me feel like shit
and i guess my mom was cryin
but my ousin said thats not true
so basically i feel like shit real bad
i didnt really kno what to do
but whatever
so i left with courtney then
and we hung out at dans
and when i got back
carrie and drew got in a big fight
so we left and went to hayleys
house for a minute
and i saw shaun and sheena walkin
i stayed hte nite at darcys on saturday nigh
we been gettin along better a little anyway
he had called me at 2 in the mornin
and asked if i wanted to come over
told him no maybe tommorow
and carrie nad drew were pissed he called
so then i never herd from yhim sence i seen him with nick wheni was with jessaca so i dunno whats goin on iwth that he thinks im on his nuts
when hes all calln me at 230 in the fuckin morning whatever
today jessaa didnt go to school it makes me sad
but it makes me real happy that finally jessaca
and me are hanging out again
i love that girl
and we always have fun
I LOVE YOU JESSACA |
|
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| i want my best friend back.. |
[Apr. 14th, 2006|03:44 pm] |
so i went to back to school on thursday
ive gotten real close to my cousin
ever sence i got suspendid
i like it we talk a lot about everything
but my baby girl and i arent as close anymore
we been drifting away and people are starting rumors
and it really makes me sad
because i miss her
and i jus wanna talk to her everyday
like it used to be
and hang out with her everyday
like it used to be
it sucks real bad
but on the wedensday i got suspendid
i stayed the nite at carries
thursday i chilled with my cousin courtney
with eric and dan
friday i babsat
saturday i stayed the nite at carries
sunday i went home
monday i was pukin sick
but i went over carries
she went to the schoola dn got my assignments
why i stayed with the kids
tuesday i went over thereand i babysat
wedensday we took the kids to the park and went to garfields to eat
i went back to school on thursday
babysat after school
today were on spring break and im goin over there to babysit
my brothers comin home today
i talked to jessaca yesterady and today
it made me really happy
because i havent talked to her in so long
hopefully ill get my best friend back... |
|
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| righhttt i didnt win |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|10:58 pm] |
so i guess i didnt win the fight now
some people dont kno obviously what there talking about
what the fuck
yeah i won
i beat her ass
the bitch didnt hit me once
so i dunno even kno who you are
and why you wouldnt say you are
butoyu bovisouyl didnt see it
cuz everyone saw it evensaid i won
ask darcy my girl jessaca
shaneah kolie
ryan...ask everyone
thats fucked up
and i can do better than darcy right
my love for 2 years
2 fucking years do you kno that
obvious you dont kno wht love is
fuck all yall im fresh
i love you jessaca jean lamb
tell em what up |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|04:35 pm] |
so i got into a fight yesterday
with nasty slutty piece of shit cassie mccardle
it was over bullshit
and i wish i wouldnt of done it for that reason
but whatever its done and overwith
i beat the bitches ass and thats all that matters
so im suspendid for 5 days
it sucks i really need my work caught up
but whatever
hopefully i can jus ask jessaca what were doing
i miss her a lot
it sucks not being at school
i do regret it a lot
i jus wish he would die
why did i have to meet him
why cant i be with someone else
and get over him
i dont undersatnd
its huring me so bad
and i jus want the pain away
cuz the pain goes so deep
that my heart is in pieces
throughout my chest
god please make it go away
jessaca trys everything she does to keep me away
but i always end up back
it sucks
it hurts
i jus wish i could kill love
shaun helped me gget over him
but i never see him anymore
i jus wish i could say the reason
why i beat her ass was cuz she was talkin shit
but its gota be cuz shes a slut
shes a slut andi dont like her
and i cant even say the reason why
cuz it hurts to bad to hear it
it hurts to bad to say it
it hurts to bad to write him
it jus hurts so bad
shes jus a nasty hoe
and i hope she dies
along with autumn and brittney w. and darcy
i hope they all die and jump off a bridge
the only one i need in my life is jessaca
thats the only one
i hope you kno that jessaca
you bring out the sunshine in my life
you wipe my tears
and your my shoulder to cry on
and i love you for that |
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